Wasted

Hye. Sorry for being silent, lately. I`m just fine. Yup. just so fine. I'm not really in mood of writing and sharing for what i thinking off right now as sometime the idea just got blown away by the routine i have to do.

It nearly to the end of April. Then, it May, June, July and August. Yerp, i know there will be a lot of work and stress will wait for me if i'm not prepare as i enter May. 

Yes. You surely know that i fully conscious and realized i have a work to do. The problem is?

I'M KNOW and I DO NO NOTHING!!

again.

N O T H I N G ! 

Errm. What to do? Sometimes your spirit rose up, suddenly, it just fall down. Sometimes you give up, sometimes you just you got your life back. Huh. what kind of feeling and frustration.

So that why, i think is just kind of wasted my time, my parent`s money, wasted my energy and so on. Owh. i just WASTED my life.

Repent

Yup. i wanna talk about repent. It was the end of everything and the starting point of being nothing.

Zero.

Not as easy to repent. Admit your mistakes and start a new life. To you, we will never be to late to repent.

To me, i hope and try, i will be the one who been chosen to do so.

Consistent

To achieve the top is hard enough, but to maintain at the top was a damn hard!

That i learned when i was a small until today. It hard to be at the top of success. Many thing you have to sacrifices, many thing to learn and mastered. Other than that, you have to got a well-planned strategy in a way to achieved your dream without even thinking the risks you will get.

Then, after all sweat and bitter, the success will come to you!

It were very a memorable and sweetest moment to be at the top and after that there will be two things will await for you. Either you gonna more motivated to archived more dreams or you got drown with the praises and credits given to you.

So, the key to maintain that success is CONSISTENT. And to be precisely consistent were really the bitter part.

So..just keep consistent in everything you do and make sure it CORRECT!

Serba Salah

I got a few messages today. It came from my friend of mine. Suddenly she told that i was a bit arrogant to her. I don't know why. But i think that was a HARSH ACCUSATION!

Yup,i admit that i a bit lone-ranger for a month and the reason of doing that just because i think i need a new fresh air and environment and social clique which i don't have before.Plus, i really have to really strict to my financial as not much money i have and by getting alone and keep away from joining them, i feel like i could save some budget until the end of this semester and for the stuff that i admired the most.

So, the problems is my former just don't understand i need to gather up with other guys and doing some male stuff. Relaxing at mamak'stall, playing futsal or badminton, chit-chat bout the thing that the girl won't discussed. Furthermore, i feel a bit terrible when i have to stay and stick with them all the time even for accompanying them including when buying those girl's stuff. How can you imagine that?

For what reason for a men getting tied with those activities? I know it was truly misunderstanding and there no ways of out of this except with a true and clear explanation of me. But, i choose to let it be...yup, just keep them bear in their mind that i was the wrongdoer.

I know i'm a bit depressed and disappointed as i don't have any bad feeling or negative perception towards everything that occurred around us and just accept that as a matter of time. Sooner or latter, we will be just fine. But, in the end, now they have just put the "IGNORANCE SIGN" ' towards me. Haha. i just can laugh, maybe i'm too sad. It's their right and it's ok for me. Nothing much i can do. Just live my life again.

I know i going to be lonely and had a bit tough life after this. Get kicked out and more embarrassment. More harder and tougher. Don' know i will get stronger and more determined by labeled them as my new enemy. Not enemy anyway, just another person that i need to confront everyday and keeping my mind onhow to get winning it.

They are not my enemy, that i had to do just to keep me SURVIVE till the end. Sorry, i don't kill a friend or enemy. I just keep forgive and forget them and go on with my world.

Ya Allah, forgive me for what i done. I'm a sinful after all. Let us be like before. Give us the success and your Redho.

Dreaming

Gosh. Lately, i find myself fault.

Here the thing started. As before this, i'm think i sort of less motivated, loss source of motivation, inspiration and so on. So, the results are, i start to find and do a few investment on how to build my self-esteem, superior or find the "other me" such 12 years before. I started to buy motivation books, watching motivation and true-story that could inspired me, read more stuff on how to build and manage the real life. Until now, i'still think that i lack of that so called -

D E T E R M I N A T I O N

Then, when i was riding my motorcycles (as i always think that the best therapy to cure my stress and the best way to get idea or solution)...suddenly something just crossed my mind.

I just think that i just overwhelmed by those books, tips or what ever but i did not PRACTICALLY used it in my daily LIFE. Yup, that sound terrible and retarded. But that the really truth about my habit.

It started to come out as a try to remember the tips that i read from the Life Plan book, on how to avoid stress. Just 10 ways..sadly..i even cannot remembered anyone of them.

Then, i also start to realize that i had too much dreaming about the future, having a career that suit me well, more money, have a serious relationship, own a car,, a house, play a PS3, have a good-shape of body, the masculine one and also get to go to the prestige place like other my friend go. So, i dreaming on how to get that (not specifically) then, the passion just go away as i watch or doing something just in second.

Poor me..or maybe s**k me! i don't know either i has get a dream again or just stop and start to focus with what i just have now.

Act like a loser.

Perfectly, sometime i did feels or maybe you too..we act like a loser. Totally.

Don't know why..but stalking other people FB profile..knowing he or she dating who, married, single, type of career, level of studies sometime make me feel insecure. Maybe about feeling being underrated.

Hehe. I admit. I do sometimes did 'profile checking' my member, my crush or other guys that i see almost perfect and have a well-balanced in their life. Feel kind of jealousy. But that no mean i'm going to harm them. Not really. It more like motivates me to be like and achieved the same thing.

I don't know how long i'm going to stop do this and start to moving on. Even though, i though that i has moved on a bit, i cannot resist myself from stalking other progress. So, is that kind of loser's act? me guessing.

The woman i loved

Beb. sori kalau cerita ini buat kau boring. Yup, I've just have a little chit chat my best friend. Talking about our moment before. Talking about the girl that i been dating with. Ya. She is a girl.

Suddenly, the memory keep haunting me back. Feeling uneasy and depressed. Feeling that i should keep her in my arm and protecting her again. Argh. Seriously, i missed her deeply.

Just after a while, my friend talked that there were a chat among them (our female classmates) about the relationship that we have. How i suffered of letting her go and find their own happiness. Yep. i`m the suffered one. congrats and bravo.

As she has engaged and planning for a marriage, i will not take her attention. Let bygones be bygones. Anyway, she still my friend..i will treats her as my other friend..without any hassle. Fair and square. She still be my friend.

Friend for benefits

Tau pasal benda nie? tau maksud dia?

Aku baru tau tadi. Sebab aku baca dari buku. So, aku tau. Then i`m wondering either i am the one who is friend for benefits?

Urgh. I think i just need my own space, doing what i like, don`t bother the girlie stuff for a while a enjoy the man thing. Ya. Please give me some space. I just need it before i really ready to stood up outside.

Please. I never gonna be a friend for benefits for you guys. I just need my space without even forgetting you even for a second.

A Thousand Years

Yup. mungkin korang pun dah lama tau. Mungkin juga ada yang baru tahu. Ini tajuk lagu siapa.

Yup. Ini lagu Christina Perry. Runut bunyi untuk filem Twilight. Percaya atau tak, sejak dua tiga hari lepas, i keep listening to this song. Rasa macam dah hafal walopun tak rasa lagi tepu dalam otak.

Aku tak tahu kenapa rasa down macam apa. Beb, i feel confiused and frustrated. I know, I keep chasing and chasing. Rasa macam penat dan tak berbaloi. Yup, nafsu aku buat aku jadi gila mau hambat semuanya yang aku minat dan suka. Tapi itu hakikatnya.

So, itu buat aku rasa penat. Aku rasa mau give up. I need to open a new book- a new life. Tapi aku tak tahu sampai bila boleh tahan nafsu ni. Ini har pertama dan aku tak perna berjanji untuk berubah pada waktu tertentu walopun aku tau..Perasaan ini tak kemana.

Kalau ikut bait lagu A Thousand Years, aku sanggup tunggu beribu-ribu tahun untuk orang yang kau sayang, yang aku suka...tapi aku tak tau sekarang. I think i`m too late to join this kind of social disease.

Aku tau aku boleh tunggu atau tidak. Walaupun aku rasa gila-gila suka pada dia. tapi aku dah terlambat. Yup.

T E R L A M B A T !

jadi kesudahannya lagu ni buat aku rase down, rasa self-realization dan pathetic. Mungkin juga ini cara untuk aku undur diri perlahan-lahan. Huhu. i hope i have the strenght to overcome it.

Start Again

Yes!

I deleted all the previous posts and i need to start again.

Hope this will help me out.