Dec 22, 2012

Cara mengenal orang itu adalah gay

Ini mengikut dari bacaan aku, bukan dari persepsi aku. (baca: bacaanku dalam buat entri ini adalah merujuk pada tabloid laku 4juta sehari tu, akhbar-akhbar nyamuk, blog-blog gadis muncung itik, blog abang yang hitnya blog nya 40orang sebulan jer)


Antara cara mengenal orang tu GAY ialah:

1. V-NECK- Owh, kau pakai baju t-shirt kolar V?erghh..kau GAY rupenya? OK. kita clash. Hubunga kita habis kat sini.

2. PINK.- Euww...pink? kau ni jambu eh? mesti ada orang bela kau kan? eikk. Gay rupanya ko ni. Blah ar!


3. BADA SASA+ MUKA KACAK. - Huhu. apesal kau hari-hari pakai lip balm? Lelaki jaga muka? SPA? Euw..pliss lah.

4. BAJU KETAT- Badan ketul-ketul, pakai baju ketat, mesti U ni GAY kan?


Haha. serius banyak lagi tanda-tanda gay yang aku baca. Dan aku boleh deny semua tu. So, aku tak gay lah kan. Ok. my points is, apa untung nya kau tau orang tu gay ke tak? ko paranoia? kau takut gay tu kacau kau? Haha. mengarut lah. 


Ok. lagi satu, what if ko sungguh nak kenal orang yang gay tu macam mana, nak detect who is gay among your classmates. So, by using this guidelines or other guidelines yang kau pernah baca tau jumpa and suddenly ada classmates ko yang dapat full marks untuk tanda-tanda ke-gay-an nya itu. Pa yang kau dapat? Hebohkan berita sambil mengumpat-umpat atau pillow talk sambil hebah ada gay dalam kelas? dalam tepat kerja? dalam kampung tu? So? 


What if kalau tekaan kau salah, dan mamat tu tak gay? Berapa banyak dosa yang kau tabur? Yang kau fitnah hanya sebab create cerita yang tak pasti benar? Pernah kau fikirkan hidup mamat yang kau fitnah tu hanya sebab kau obses dengan guidelines gila kau tu?


Manalah kita tau orang itu background hidupnya  pengaruh barat nya banyak. Hidupnya penuh majalah trend dan fesyen. Jadi itu sebab warna pink bukan asing bagi sesetengah orang.  Jaga badan dan jaga muka segala-gala nya keperluan hidup sekarang. First appearance tu penting zaman ni, orang jarang nilai pada hati, sebab orang fikir, kalau appearances sudah fail untuk pikat orang lain, macam mana orang nak dekat, nak kenal hati baik ke tidak?


V-neck itu adalah fesyen. Kesian pada yang ada niat nak jadi stylista atau trendy. HAnya takut di cop gay. Maka niat berfesyen terpaksa lupakan saja. Contohlah, korang berjalan di shopping mall. Hanya sebab terserempak beberapa orang laki berkolar v maka terus di cop gay? Owh. Kesian. Ada kawan aku yang duk belajar di US, UK ataupun Jepun terpaksa simple-simple saja bila balik sini, takut orang sini terkejut kalau lihat mereka berfesyen.  Jadi, kuburkan lah saja niat tu.


Banyak lagi yang boleh cerita, hannya pesan aku. Tak perlu lah susah payah nak kenal. Cuma doa lah kat Allah.

"Ya Allah, jauhkan aku dan keturunan aku dari penyakit sosial ni, andai Engkau ingin mengujiku dengan nya, maka berikanlah aku sebaik-baik pembimbing dan penyelesaian. " Sesungguhnya Engkau lebih mengetahui lebih dari apa yang aku ketahui"


Nah.mudahkan? tak perlu susah payah nak belajar cara-cara nak kenal. Silap-silap jatuh fitnah, dan lagi teruk orang lain pun terbawa-bawa 'guidelines' bodoh yang tak saintifik lagi bersifat anggapan semata-mata. Maka, bertambah beratlah lah bahu kiri kita memikul bebannya. Percaya bodoh-bodoh satu hal, fitnal orang satu hal lagi, sebar guidelines bodoh ni dah jadi ber hal-hal la pulak. Alangkah "bijak" nya manusia sekarang ni kan.



Sang Penghukum

Kalau boleh aku tak mau terlalu warnakan kanvas blog ini dengan tulisan berbaur seksual. Jangan ada yang memberi tafsiran yang salah, aku tak kata ya untuk benda yang nyata salah. Namun, bila lihat terus ramai yang prejudis, ramai yang seakan bodoh berfikir, bijak berkata. Maka kadang-kadang terusik jiwa menulis.


Aku kaki blog. Tulis lah apa saja, aku akan baca. Dari tulisan, dari gaya, dari font, dari saiz font, dari template hinggalah ke tatarias blog tu, aku lihat da baca tafsiran minda penulisnya. Jenis sederhana kah, jenis periang kah, jenis kaki hiburan kah, atau macam-macam jenis manusia yng ada lagi.


Ramai orang buat blog. Mula-mula buat blog sebab nak cuba-cuba bakat menulis, ada buat blog sebab jeles tengok blog kawan dapat sambutan, ada buat blog sebab tengok boleh kaya dengan blog (walaupun kandungan entah apa-apa siap tiru konsep+kandungan blog yang popular) dan ada macam-macam sebab lagi untuk orang buat blog. 


Untuk kata domain yang ada .sex dihujung nya. (contoh:www.urban.sex.) adalah antara yang paling mahal dan laku di dunia siber berbanding .com, .net atau lain-lain lagi (rujuk kat pakar IT). Jadi blog berunsur seks juga adalah SANGAT LAKU! OK.stop. aku bukan minta atau cadang kamu semua untuk buat blog berunsur SEKS. Apetah lagi seks-seks pelik. Yang aku nak cerita ini adalah tabiat dan sikap sesetengah blogger yang suka guna unsur seks untuk tarik trafik walaupun hakikatnya, takdelah yang SENSUAL sangat.  


Aku terbaca beberapa blog ni. Yup, ini namanya blogwalking. Blog nya campur-campur, ada cerita peribadi, ada copy-paste berita, ada copy-paste blog-blog famous. So, kebetulan tak berapa tinggi sangat hits di blog nya, si penulis mencari tarikan dengan guna isu LGBT. Ok, aku masih baca, mungkin ada topik yang boleh yang dibincangkan secara baik dan ilmiah. Namun, bagi aku entri itu sangat tak adil dan hanya menunjukkan fobia tanpa sebab dan penuh dengan kutukan. Okeh, mungkin orang kata aku paranoid. Tapi benarkan, salah hukumnya layak dengan cacian dan kutukan? Kutuk, maki, cerca dan kutuk lagi dan  orang ingat masalah itu akan habis?


Aku biasa baca perkataan ini. 

"Euuu...gelilah..." 


"berselera jugak eh diorang sesama jenis?" Euww.


"Taubat lah aku tak mau JUMPA siapa-siapa macam ni!"


" Mampuslah kau, masuk neraka jahanam, aku jumpa geng-geng macam ni, sure aku bunuh!"


" Kena selidik lak betul-betul my bf nanti, harap-harap tak ada simptom macam ni"


" I ada kawan macam ni, naseb baek dia tak tackle BF I".


"Nabi pun tak mengaku umat la B***H!" 


Ok lah. banyak lagi yang aku baca. Cuma tak larat nk tulis makian tu semua. Mungkin korang pun paham dan mungkin korang pun lagi lali telinga mendengarnya. 


 Entahlah, bagi aku semua berhak bersuara. Bila bersuara baru kita tahu tahap pemikirannya. Maafkan lah kalau mereka bodoh dan tak tahu meneliti dan mencari sebab dan penyelesaian. Maafkan lah mereka kerna mereka gagal memahami apa yang kita fikirkan. Maafkan mereka kerna manusia seperti mereka lebih cenderung menghukum dan melabel. dan mereka juga sangat senang minta maaf seperti tiada apa yang terjadi. Itulah mereka. 


Maka itu, kadang-kadang aku rasa untuk menulis. Biarlah tak ramai yang baca, tapi biarlah sekurang-kurangnya ada cerdik pandai, alim ulama yang terbaca seterusnya fikir cara terbaik menangani, bukan cara mencerca membabi buta. 


Kadang-kadang aku terfikir juga, saat aku terbaca satu komen jengkil.

" Kalau aku tahu adik aku G**, memang aku bunuh dia time tu juga". 

Contohlah tuhan memberi ujian untuk dia, anak kesayangannya cenderung kepada sesama jantina. sanggupkan dia bunuh? atau dia fikir semula untuk memberi kaunseling dan bimbing? atau buang terus dari keluarga? Pastikah dia zuriat nya baik dan lurus seksualnya? Entahlah. Mungkin dia PASTI sangat seksual bakal anak-anak nya lurus.Itu sebab dia berani cakap. Harap-haraplah.


Mereka ada hak untuk membenci. Memang fitrah benda buruk dalam norma masyarakat setempat, benda buruk balasan nya kebencian dan hukuman. Tapi mereka tiada hak untuk melabel, menghukum apa-apa pun, tanpa asas yang kukuh. Kesian.


Entahlah. Mungkin itu sebab tuhan beri otak untuk semua berfikir, kadang-kadang tak semua kepandai an diukur dengan kertas.





Nov 23, 2012

Perfecto

Want to be perfect?

I think what we need in today`s world is brain, beauty, body and behavior. That four B`s actually i created for myself. 

Brain was referring to your smart in term of handling your life, academic qualification etc. Second, beauty in men's world refer to a good-looking or perfect face. Just be yourself without having the plastic-surgery as without an enough confidence and self-esteem in your self, David Beckham can also look like Shrek. Body is the third thing we should consider. Have a nice shape, muscular body just give you another extra marks. Model-like body will attract more peoples and people tends to know you and sometime will open up many opportunity in life. Lastly is behavior. Behavior means we need to know to balance our character with others. Having a good habit will resulted in our life journey and may fruitful in success. So, just remember those B's in achieve your dream.


p/s: My English was so bad actually. Feel sorry for myself. Do correct me if is terribly wrong. 

Nov 11, 2012

Who is the real GAY?

I listed 10 persons below to be decided by you which one is gay. You can choose 1 or more based on your knowledges, experiences or other 'guidelines" that may help you to recognized the right one. Then, please write you answer(s) and the reason why you think that person might be gay. Next entry i will tell the real one.

Note: Don`t forget to WRITE the answer and reason in the column below in stead doing the  right-click action!




Jun 29, 2012

A Good Lesson.

Just as harsh as it go but i think that a good lesson for. I got it. Nothing to cry on.

I need to wake up and do better next time. Failure is just a good teacher to me. Friend? i hope there were many? but i just not dare to share the problems with them, Just with the trusted friends.only

Jun 22, 2012

What Make You Happy?

"What make you happy?"


The task for today is to list up all the things that will make you happy. I mean not to specific but not to general.e.g By wearing XXY Jeans will make me happy. (This is too specific). Rather than e.g Wearing something or popular brand will make me happy. 


The examples that really closed to me are:

Surrounded by my best friend/clique during the happy and hard time will make me happy.

Let the other people free from their suffering will make me happy.

Read the book that i love will make me happy.

Do the thing that i liked the most, surely will make me happy.



So, how about yours?

Gay-less

Sorry. This topic is not too gay. It just my opinion that i need to express or maybe as question keep bouncing in my mind. 

This is the term that i created by myself. To explain the condition which someone or anybody which specifically male enduring the homophile symptom but not too obviously seen but can be applied as because he has the feeling towards the same sex. 

To have this kind of "disease" (sorry if that offended you), is kind of the miserable thing that i could have. Live in the normal world where you should get together with other different sex. e.g female is just too hard to get in.

I'm not the one who want this. It sounded cliche. Ya, that i know but can you choose the feeling of your sexual desire when you start at adolescent stage? Without any gay influence and pressure? or maybe without the tragedy that shift you to that (homosexs). It sounded silly but its true, have a feeling towards male since child is the disastrous thing or the last thing i prefer. But who cares? The normal peoples tend to blame us without even care the factors or even give a damn solutions. So, who will give you support? Maybe the one who has repented and show you the ways.

I will write later how about gay can be claim as disease or weakness for a person. But that just my 2 cents. That the way i aspects from this kind of weirdo.


Back to the topic. Is being the gay-less:  not homosexual activity, not have a gay life style, not having the hard core gay friend, not even try to seduced the straight guy but have the feeling to the same sex is morally wrong? Can you simply blame me, hating me or discriminate me just because i have that feeling that naturally appeared?


Sorry. i know the religion has give the orders. But how the other peoples will understand this?


I let you to comment.

Same


"The same way I follow, may lead me the same result"


So, by doing the same technique, the same methods which give me the same failure and disappointment, i will  not go anywhere.


I just feeling down. Sorry if you feel terrible by reading this journals, which almost give a story about my disappointed life. Sorry. But this is only the ways i could express my feeling, my disappointment, then after that i feel a bit o.k and get on with my pathetic life.


Today, the same things happened. cannot tell anyone even the trusted one, wanna handle this problem by myself as i thing that would be the adult should do.Seriously, i fell awkward to ask some guide or solution from the friends of mine even the marries mine. Oh, that totally a disaster. They maybe have their own problems to and the last thing friend ask me is " Why?do you have a problem AGAIN?" 


Nah. So even a friend of mine will think that what way that i gonna find her if i have a very deep problems. 


Then, i decided not to seek her her or anyone help. My sibling? not even a less. At least until now.  


So, what i'm gonna do now? 


just take an action? Maybe?

Jun 12, 2012

Failed and Plan


" Your failed to plan, you planned to fail"!

As simple as that but the truth  of the above statement will you feel, when you experienced it.

I had to admit. I`m endure it now.

Giloss!


May 11, 2012

Lost

Hi. Long time without no update. Pretend to be busy as usual.

Now, its going to the end of the semester. Kind of hectic and full of stress along the way. Without enough adrenaline, i`m going exhausted and death. 

Sorry as i'm not updating any scene here. Too many things happened lately. With the lost of one of my best friend are the thing that affected me much. Ya. He died. Left me on Friday`s dawn. Still me feel awkward. i cannot make it as i promise to meet him there, and doing the hard stuff together.

Now, is the 3rd Friday he left me. No such picture that can be my memory, as only his voice keep playing in my head. ermm.. I`m lost a bit. 


For sure, Allah know the best. The best thing he could do for the late Izhan. Wish Allah to preserved his shame and dignity now and forever.


I love him as my friend. I pity him on his family history. I wish i could do something to help him to be a grown man. but it just the fate. Fate that we should accepted. 

Izhan. forgive me for every single words that harm you, forgive for everything that i done to you. Sorry for not being there at your last breath. You have my last respect. I already forgive everything you do. my pray are with you. My pray is you to be with your parents up there. Sadly, i don`t know where your grave...

May Allah forgave your sins, place you at the better place that He loved. Insya Allah, we do the best for you here...


Apr 25, 2012

Wasted

Hye. Sorry for being silent, lately. I`m just fine. Yup. just so fine. I'm not really in mood of writing and sharing for what i thinking off right now as sometime the idea just got blown away by the routine i have to do.


It nearly to the end of April. Then, it May, June, July and August. Yerp, i know there will be a lot of work and stress will wait for me if i'm not prepare as i enter May. 


Yes. You surely know that i fully conscious and realized i have a work to do. The problem is?

I'M KNOW and I DO NO NOTHING!!

again.

N O T H I N G ! 



Errm. What to do? Sometimes your spirit rose up, suddenly, it just fall down. Sometimes you give up, sometimes you just you got your life back. Huh. what kind of feeling and frustration.

So that why, i think is just kind of wasted my time, my parent`s money, wasted my energy and so on. Owh. i just WASTED my life.

Apr 17, 2012

Repent

Yup. i wanna talk about repent. It was the end of everything and the starting point of being nothing.


Zero.


Not as easy to repent. Admit your mistakes and start a new life. To you, we will never be to late to repent.


To me, i hope and try, i will be the one who been chosen to do so.

Apr 11, 2012

Consistent


To achieve the top is hard enough, but to maintain at the top was a damn hard!


That i learned when i was a small until today. It hard to be at the top of success. Many thing you have to sacrifices, many thing to learn and mastered. Other than that, you have to got a well-planned strategy in a way to achieved your dream without even thinking the risks you will get.


Then, after all sweat and bitter, the success will come to you!


It were very a memorable and sweetest moment to be at the top and after that there will be two things will await for you. Either you gonna more motivated to archived more dreams or you got drown with the praises and credits given to you.


So, the key to maintain that success is CONSISTENT. And to be precisely consistent were really the bitter part.


So..just keep consistent in everything you do and make sure it CORRECT!



Serba Salah


I got a few messages today. It came from my friend of mine. Suddenly she told that i was a bit arrogant to her. I don't know why. But i think that was a HARSH ACCUSATION!


Yup,i admit that i a bit lone-ranger for a month and the reason of doing that just because i think i need a new fresh air and environment and social clique which i don't have before.Plus, i really have to really strict to my financial as not much money i have and by getting alone and keep away from joining them, i feel like i could save some budget until the end of this semester and for the stuff that i admired the most.


So, the problems is my former just don't understand i need to gather up with other guys and doing some male stuff. Relaxing at mamak'stall, playing futsal or badminton, chit-chat bout the thing that the girl won't discussed. Furthermore, i feel a bit terrible when i have to stay and stick with them all the time even for accompanying them including when buying those girl's stuff. How can you imagine that?


For what reason for a men getting tied with those activities? I know it was truly misunderstanding and there no ways of out of this except with a true and clear explanation of me. But, i choose to let it be...yup, just keep them bear in their mind that i was the wrongdoer.


I know i'm a bit depressed and disappointed as i don't have any bad feeling or negative perception towards everything that occurred around us and just accept that as a matter of time. Sooner or latter, we will be just fine. But, in the end, now they have just put the "IGNORANCE SIGN" ' towards me. Haha. i just can laugh, maybe i'm too sad. It's their right and it's ok for me. Nothing much i can do. Just live my life again.


I know i going to be lonely and had a bit tough life after this. Get kicked out and more embarrassment. More harder and tougher. Don' know i will get stronger and more determined by labeled them as my new enemy. Not enemy anyway, just another person that i need to confront everyday and keeping my mind onhow to get winning it.


They are not my enemy, that i had to do just to keep me SURVIVE till the end. Sorry, i don't kill a friend or enemy. I just keep forgive and forget them and go on with my world.


Ya Allah, forgive me for what i done. I'm a sinful after all. Let us be like before. Give us the success and your Redho.







Apr 7, 2012

Dreaming

Gosh. Lately, i find myself fault.



Here the thing started. As before this, i'm think i sort of less motivated, loss source of motivation, inspiration and so on. So, the results are, i start to find and do a few investment on how to build my self-esteem, superior or find the "other me" such 12 years before. I started to buy motivation books, watching motivation and true-story that could inspired me, read more stuff on how to build and manage the real life. Until now, i'still think that i lack of that so called -

D E T E R M I N A T I O N


Then, when i was riding my motorcycles (as i always think that the best therapy to cure my stress and the best way to get idea or solution)...suddenly something just crossed my mind.


I just think that i just overwhelmed by those books, tips or what ever but i did not PRACTICALLY used it in my daily LIFE. Yup, that sound terrible and retarded. But that the really truth about my habit.



It started to come out as a try to remember the tips that i read from the Life Plan book, on how to avoid stress. Just 10 ways..sadly..i even cannot remembered anyone of them.


Then, i also start to realize that i had too much dreaming about the future, having a career that suit me well, more money, have a serious relationship, own a car,, a house, play a PS3, have a good-shape of body, the masculine one and also get to go to the prestige place like other my friend go. So, i dreaming on how to get that (not specifically) then, the passion just go away as i watch or doing something just in second.



Poor me..or maybe s**k me! i don't know either i has get a dream again or just stop and start to focus with what i just have now.





Apr 6, 2012

Act like a loser.



Perfectly, sometime i did feels or maybe you too..we act like a loser. Totally.


Don't know why..but stalking other people FB profile..knowing he or she dating who, married, single, type of career, level of studies sometime make me feel insecure. Maybe about feeling being underrated.


Hehe. I admit. I do sometimes did 'profile checking' my member, my crush or other guys that i see almost perfect and have a well-balanced in their life. Feel kind of jealousy. But that no mean i'm going to harm them. Not really. It more like motivates me to be like and achieved the same thing.


I don't know how long i'm going to stop do this and start to moving on. Even though, i though that i has moved on a bit, i cannot resist myself from stalking other progress. So, is that kind of loser's act? me guessing.



The woman i loved


Beb. sori kalau cerita ini buat kau boring. Yup, I've just have a little chit chat my best friend. Talking about our moment before. Talking about the girl that i been dating with. Ya. She is a girl.


Suddenly, the memory keep haunting me back. Feeling uneasy and depressed. Feeling that i should keep her in my arm and protecting her again. Argh. Seriously, i missed her deeply.


Just after a while, my friend talked that there were a chat among them (our female classmates) about the relationship that we have. How i suffered of letting her go and find their own happiness. Yep. i`m the suffered one. congrats and bravo.


As she has engaged and planning for a marriage, i will not take her attention. Let bygones be bygones. Anyway, she still my friend..i will treats her as my other friend..without any hassle. Fair and square. She still be my friend.

Apr 5, 2012

Friend for benefits


Tau pasal benda nie? tau maksud dia?


Aku baru tau tadi. Sebab aku baca dari buku. So, aku tau. Then i`m wondering either i am the one who is friend for benefits?


Urgh. I think i just need my own space, doing what i like, don`t bother the girlie stuff for a while a enjoy the man thing. Ya. Please give me some space. I just need it before i really ready to stood up outside.


Please. I never gonna be a friend for benefits for you guys. I just need my space without even forgetting you even for a second.


A Thousand Years


Yup. mungkin korang pun dah lama tau. Mungkin juga ada yang baru tahu. Ini tajuk lagu siapa.


Yup. Ini lagu Christina Perry. Runut bunyi untuk filem Twilight. Percaya atau tak, sejak dua tiga hari lepas, i keep listening to this song. Rasa macam dah hafal walopun tak rasa lagi tepu dalam otak.


Aku tak tahu kenapa rasa down macam apa. Beb, i feel confiused and frustrated. I know, I keep chasing and chasing. Rasa macam penat dan tak berbaloi. Yup, nafsu aku buat aku jadi gila mau hambat semuanya yang aku minat dan suka. Tapi itu hakikatnya.


So, itu buat aku rasa penat. Aku rasa mau give up. I need to open a new book- a new life. Tapi aku tak tahu sampai bila boleh tahan nafsu ni. Ini har pertama dan aku tak perna berjanji untuk berubah pada waktu tertentu walopun aku tau..Perasaan ini tak kemana.



Kalau ikut bait lagu A Thousand Years, aku sanggup tunggu beribu-ribu tahun untuk orang yang kau sayang, yang aku suka...tapi aku tak tau sekarang. I think i`m too late to join this kind of social disease.



Aku tau aku boleh tunggu atau tidak. Walaupun aku rasa gila-gila suka pada dia. tapi aku dah terlambat. Yup.


T E R L A M B A T !


jadi kesudahannya lagu ni buat aku rase down, rasa self-realization dan pathetic. Mungkin juga ini cara untuk aku undur diri perlahan-lahan. Huhu. i hope i have the strenght to overcome it.


Start Again


Yes!


I deleted all the previous posts and i need to start again.


Hope this will help me out.